人民日報
崔永元
2026-02-21 02:11:10
ThesereneambianceofLiyueHarborwasonceagaindisrupted,notbyaformidablefoeoranimpendingdisaster,butbyaratherpeculiarseriesofeventsinvolvingtheever-diligentAdeptus,Ganyu,andtheever-unpredictableTraveler.Itallbeganonaseeminglyordinaryday.Thesuncastawarmglowoverthebustlingport,merchantshawkedtheirwares,andthegentlerhythmofdailylifehummedalong.Ganyu,asusual,wasmeticulouslyreviewingmountainsofpaperworkinherofficeattheYuehaiPavilion.Herdedicationwaslegendary,herfocusunwavering.Eachdocument,eachpetition,eachreportwashandledwiththeutmostcareandprecision.
TheTraveler,ontheotherhand,wasengagedinaratherenthusiasticsessionof…well,let’sjustsay"exploring."TheirusualinsatiablecuriosityhadledthemdownarabbitholeofpeculiarcontraptionsandforgottencornersofLiyue.Today’sparticularfixationinvolvedaratherlarge,somewhatunwieldy,andundeniablyspring-loadedcontraptionrumoredtohavebeeninventedbyaneccentricinventorfromInazuma.Thedevice,amagnificentifslightlymenacing,metallicmonstrosity,wasdesignedtolaunch…well,things.Theexactpurposewaslosttotimeandafewunfortunateincidents,butitspotentialforenthusiasticpropulsionwasundeniable.
TheTraveler,brimmingwithamischievousglintintheireyeandaneagernesstotestthelimitsofthispeculiarinvention,decidedthatGanyu'soffice,withitsabundantsupplyof"things"(namely,paper),wouldbetheperfecttestingground.TheyhadoverheardwhispersofGanyu’simmenseworkloadand,intheirownuniqueway,thoughttheywerehelping."Perhapsabitof…organization…isinorder!"theymused,theirmindconjuringimagesofpapersbeingefficientlysortedandfiled,albeitatanalarmingvelocity.
Withadeterminedstride,theTravelerenteredtheYuehaiPavilion,thecontraptionclankingandwhirringbehindthem.Ganyu,engrossedinaparticularlycomplexfiscalreport,barelyregisteredtheirarrival.TheusualpolitegreetingswerereplacedbyaflurryofactivityastheTraveler,withagrinwiderthantheJadeChamber,beganloadingthecontraption.Theyhad,intheirinfinitewisdom,decidedthatGanyu'soverflowinginboxwastheperfect"ammunition."Theycarefully(orperhapsnotsocarefully)beganstuffingstacksofimportant-lookingdocumentsintotheloadingmechanism.
Ganyu,finallylookingupfromherwork,blinkedinconfusion."Traveler?Whatisthis…device?"Hervoice,usuallysocalmandcomposed,heldanoteofbewilderedcuriosity.Beforeshecouldevenfinishhersentence,theTraveler,withaheartylaugh,pulledalargelever.Thecontraptionletoutamightysproing!
Andthen,themostextraordinarythinghappened.Thesheerforceofthecontraption’slaunch,combinedwiththeimmenseweightofthestackeddocuments,causedanunexpectedimbalance.Thedevice,insteadofpropellingthepapersforwardwithgracefulefficiency,lurchedviolentlysideways.Itwaslikearunawaytrain,butwithmorespringsandlesstrack.Ganyu,startled,instinctivelytriedtosteadyherself,butthemomentumwastoogreat.Thecontraption,withametallicgroan,tumbledforward,andinabizarretwistoffate,ensnaredtheunsuspectingAdeptus.
Ganyu,inamomentofpure,unadulteratedsurprise,foundherselfbeing…well,squeezed.Thespring-loadedmechanism,nowinfull,chaoticmotion,begantocompressandexpanderratically.Itwaslessalaunchandmoreabizarre,metallichugofdoom.Shefeltherselfbeingjostled,spun,andgenerallyputthrougharathervigorous,albeitunintentional,workout.Papersfleweverywhere,ablizzardofLiyue'sadministrativehistory.
TheTraveler,initiallytriumphant,watchedinstunnedsilenceastheir"organizationalinitiative"tookadecidedlyabsurdturn.Theirjawdropped.Thiswasnotquitetheefficientfilingsystemtheyhadenvisioned.Ganyu,acreatureofgraceandpower,wasnowquiteliterallycaughtinthegearsoftheirexperimentalcontraption,herusuallypristineQilin’sHornattireslightlydisheveled,alookofbewilderedindignityonherface.Shelookedlesslikeanall-powerfulAdeptusandmorelikeaveryelegant,veryconfusedragdollbeingtossedaroundbyamalfunctioningtoy.Thesoundofsproing,twang,andamuffled“Ohmy…”echoedthroughtheotherwisequiethallsoftheYuehaiPavilion.Thegrandplansofefficientpaperworkmanagementhadspectacularly,andhilariously,goneawry.
Theinitialshockofbeingunceremoniouslyensnaredbyaspring-loadedcontraptionslowlygavewaytoastrangesortofresignationforGanyu.TheTraveler,meanwhile,wasinastateofpanicked,yetsomehowstillsomewhatamused,disarray.Theyhadenvisionedaswift,efficientoperation,perhapsafewpapersneatlysorted.Instead,theyhadaccidentallyweaponizedadministrativebureaucracyagainstitsmostdevotedservant.
"Traveler!Please…ceasethis…vigorousjiggling!"Ganyumanagedtoexclaim,hervoicealittlestrainedasthecontraptiongaveanotherinvoluntaryshudder.Hercarefullystyledhairhaddevelopedalifeofitsown,andastraydocumenthadsomehowmanagedtoperchitselfatopherheadlikeabizarre,paper-basedfascinator.Thesightwassoincongruous,soutterlyoutofcharacterforthedignifiedAdeptus,thateventheTraveler,intheirpanic,couldn'thelpbutstifleagiggle.
Thecontraption,seeminglywithamindofitsown,continueditserraticdance.OnemomentGanyuwouldbecompressed,thenextshe'dbeflungslightlyoutwards,onlytobepulledbackin.Itwasapeculiar,metallictango,withGanyuastheunwillingpartner.Papersflutteredaroundherlikeconfettiataverychaoticwedding.Someevenadheredthemselvestoherhorns,givingheraratherfestive,ifunintentional,appearance.AparticularlylargescrolldepictingLiyue'straderouteswasnowdrapedaroundhernecklikearatheravant-gardescarf.
TheTraveler,realizingtheycouldn'tsimplypullaleverandexpectthingstoreturntonormal,beganfranticallyexaminingthecontraption.Theirusualconfidentdemeanorwasreplacedbyafranticfumbling,adesperateattempttodeconstructtheirowncreationbeforeitcausedfurther…organizationalchaos.Theypoked,theyprodded,theyeventriedreasoningwiththeinfernalmachine,which,ofcourse,provedtobeanexerciseinfutility.
"Justholdon,Ganyu!I'll…I'llfigurethisout!"theTravelerassuredher,thoughtheirtonesuggestedtheywerelessconfidentandmorethoroughlybewildered.Ganyu,everthepragmatist,simplysighed."WhileIappreciateyour…enthusiasm…forstreamliningmyworkload,perhapsaless…kineticapproachwouldbemoreadvisableinthefuture."
AstheTravelerwrestledwiththecontraption,asmall,ornatekeyslippedfromtheirpocketandlandedwithaclinkonthefloor.Ganyu,despiteherpredicament,noticedit."Traveler,"shesaid,hervoicegainingahintofitsusualauthority,"thatsmallkey…Ibelieveitmightbefortheemergencyreleasemechanism."
Withrenewedhope,theTravelerscrambledtopickupthekeyand,withtremblinghands,inserteditintoasmall,almostinvisibleslotonthesideofthecontraption.Therewasasoftclick,followedbyalessviolent,morecontrolledwhoosh.Thespringsrelaxed,themetallicarmsretracted,andGanyuwasgently,ifsomewhatunceremoniously,released.
Shestumbledslightly,brushingafewstraypiecesofpaperoffhershoulders.Shelookedatherdisheveledattire,thenatthescattereddocuments,andfinallyattheTraveler,whostoodthere,amixtureofreliefandsheepishembarrassmentontheirface.AfaintsmiletouchedGanyu'slips."Well,Traveler,"shesaid,hervoicelacedwithamusement,"thatwascertainly…anexperience.Idaresaymypaperworkhasneverbeensothoroughly…agitated."
TheTraveler,unabletocontaintheirmirthanylonger,burstintolaughter.Ganyu,seeingthehumorinthesituation,joinedin.TheYuehaiPavilion,usuallyaplaceofsolemnduty,wasfilledwiththesoundoftheirsharedlaughter.WhileGanyu'sofficewasnowadisasterzone,andherafternoonhadbeenirrevocablyderailed,therewasastrangewarmthtothemoment.Itwasareminderthatevenamidstthemostseriousofdutiesandthemostunpredictableofadventures,therewasalwaysroomforagoodlaugh,especiallywhenonewasaccidentally“squeezedandthrown”byawell-meaning,ifsomewhatmisguided,friend.ThetaleofGanyu’sspring-loadedmishapwouldundoubtedlybecomeanotherlegendaryanecdoteintheannalsofTeyvat,atestamenttotheenduringbondbetweentheAdeptusandtheTraveler,forgedinthefiresofbothepicquestsandhilariouslyunfortunatecontraptions.
